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I can get by with one. Woo hoo!

350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline! Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that. You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button. I hope I didn’t brain my damage! We’ll die together, like a father and son should. Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk. We’re gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays! First you don’t want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind! Son, a woman is a lot like a a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster’s dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one’s garden. Now, Marge, don’t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. You can’t go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain’t ketchup! I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called “The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.” I don’t have to be careful, I’ve got a gun! I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman! Oh, they have Internet on computers now. Marge I swear, I never thought that you would find out. Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-Tip! I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T. I’m not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon! nti On-Line APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity BASIC Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language COMPUTER Capable Of Making Perfectly Uncomplicated Tasks Extremely Rigorous DOS Defunct Operating System IBM I Blame Microsoft IBM I Bought Macintosh ISDN It Still Does Nothing LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses LOTUS Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash, If Not The Operating System Hangs MCSE Minesweeper Consultant & Solitaire Expert MCSE Must Consult Someone Experienced MCSE Making Computers Slow Everyday MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers MIPS Mistakes Incurred Per Second MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed NASCAR Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks NTSC Never The Same Color OS/2 Obsolete Soon Too PASCAL Pedantry And Strictness Created A Language PCMCIA People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics POTS Plain Old Telephone System RISC Reduced Into Silly Code SCSI System Can’t See It SCSI-2 System Can’t See It Again SNMP Security Not My Problem WINDOWS Wonderful Interface No Dos User Would Sanction WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System Need a joke? Money Matters by Suze Orman Count Your Blessings and Your Money by Suze Orman Utility Links Printable ViewEmail this PageMonday, July 31, 2006 I’d be the last person to tell you that money can buy happiness, but I’m fascinated by recent reports insisting that money isn’t a major factor in whether or not people are happy. Please. Positive psychology (that’s what academicians call the study of human happiness) is a hot field of research, and the folks at the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania have come up with an interesting questionnaire that’s been getting a lot of press. Yet nowhere in the 24-question Authentic Happiness Inventory does the issue of money or, more important, our desire for financial security merit a mention. Hmm. A Conspicuous Omission Given how expensive our lives are, how can money not be a factor? We have huge mortgages and tapped-out home equity lines of credit weighing on us. College tuition bills have never been more daunting. Our employers are less likely to give us a defined benefit pension, so the onus is on us and our 401(k)s to figure out how we’ll be able to afford retirement. If we’re lucky enough to get health insurance through our employer, the trend is for each of us to be responsible for a greater portion of the bill. I would love to live in a world where authentic happiness was achievable solely from the richness of relationships, but I’m a realist. And the reality I see and that so many of you write to me about is one in which money plays into our ability to be truly happy. Yes, I’ve heard about the study of lottery winners that showed they were not relatively happier than those who hadn’t won the lottery, and the one reporting that folks on the Forbes 100 list (the wealthiest people alive) weren’t much happier than the average American. Those studies show that being filthy rich doesn’t ensure happiness, but that’s not something most of us have to contend with. I’m talking about how your happiness is affected when you’re worried about how you’ll pay the bills at the end of the month, save for the future, and be able to afford to retire. In other words, how you’ll make ends meet. When those worries are your reality, I think it’s ridiculously hard to be authentically happy. Happiness Is Income-Sensitive Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks so. A survey conducted earlier this year by the Pew Research Center reports that, overall, just 34 percent of respondents are very happy. But when you start to slice the findings by income, it gets very interesting: 49 percent of respondents with an annual family income above $100,000 say they are very happy.

When income falls between $75,000 and $100,000, the very-happy contingent falls to 38 percent. Just 24 percent of those with incomes below $30,000 said they were very happy. I want to be quite clear: I’m in no way saying that money is all that matters. But I’m so tired of how scared everyone is to admit that money does in fact make a difference in the quality of our lives. A Family Affair Most of you would probably say that what makes you truly happy is your family and the love you share in your relationships, and I couldn’t agree more. But money comes into play in those relationships, too. When I talk about money this way to a group, invariably someone comes up to me afterward and give me a “tsk, tsk” look and says, “Suze, you are so wrong. Money isn’t the key to life, this is!” At which point their wallet flies open and they show me a photo of their family. That’s when things get interesting, because I start asking them questions: Did you take that photo with your own camera? It looks like a beautiful beach; was the photo taken on a family vacation? Are those braces I see on the two teenagers? Do you hope to help those beautiful kids go to college? As their heads bob in successive “yes” nods, I ask them how they provide all of that for their family. That’s when they understand that I had it right. Richer, But Not Happier At the risk of repeating myself, I totally agree that family and friends are vital to our well being; without meaningful relationships, there’s no chance of ever being truly, authentically happy. That’s why, every Saturday night, I end my CNBC show with the following words: “People first. Then money. Then things.” But money does have a place at the table. If you don’t have money to buy things, you’re going to be very frustrated. It’s just that simple. How we handle the money we have also plays into our happiness. The Pew survey points out that over the past few decades, the percentage of Americans who say they’re happy hasn’t changed much (it hovers at around one-third of the population), while at the same time the average per capita income has doubled in inflation-adjusted dollars. So we have more money, but we’re not much happier on average. A paradox? Far from it. My sense is that we while we’re making more money, we aren’t making more of the money we make. We have a ton of debt, and we have to worry about saving for retirement in a way that our parents and grandparents never did. And as many of you know, it’s really hard to boost your happiness quotient when you’ve got a lot of money worries. Where Are You on the Money/Happiness Scale? Do you agree, or am I way off base? I’d love to know what you think about the money/happiness connection. So answer the following questions and find out how you stack up with your fellow readers and happiness-seekers. (Please answer and submit your response to one question at a time. ) Question 1: Money has absolutely nothing to do with my level of happiness. Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly disagree Neither agree nor disagree Question 2: Money is a factor, though not the only factor, in my happiness. Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly disagree Neither agree nor disagree Question 3: I would be happier if I didnt have to worry about paying the bills every month. Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly disagree Neitehr agree nor disagree Question 4: I would be happier if I could afford to save more money for my long-term goals (such as buying a home, paying for a childs college education, or retiring comfortably) Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly disagree Neither agree nor disagree The columns, articles, message board posts and any other features provided on Yahoo! Finance are provided for personal finance and investment information and are not to be construed as investment advice. Under no circumstances does the information in this content represent a recommendation to buy, sell or hold any security. The views and opinions expressed in an article or column are the author’s own and not necessarily those of Yahoo! and there is no implied endorsement by Yahoo! of any advice or trading strategy. ADVERTISEMENT Recent Columns Emergency Cash Is a Necessity, Not a LuxuryMonday, July 17, 2006Why It Pays to Review Your Life InsuranceMonday, July 3, 2006Money Matters ArchivesDiscuss this column on our message boards Suze’s Finance Software Will & Trust Kit The fastest and easiest way to create must-have documents. A $2,500 value, valid in all 50 states. Only $13.50. Buy Now. Insurance Kit Make sure you have the insurance you need. Evaluate your insurance policies instantly. Only $43.98. Sign Suze’s Petition Stay Informed Headlines Add headlines to your personalized My Yahoo! page (About My Yahoo! and RSS) Suze Orman More Columnists Feeds Alerts Get an alert when there are new articles from: Suze Orman More Columns How Not to Ruin Your LifeThe Automatic MillionaireThe Naked EconomistWhy the Rich Get RicherThe Future for InvestorsAll Columns Copyright 2006 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved. Terms of Service. To learn more about Yahoo! ‘s use of personal information, please read the Privacy Policy. Money makes you SAD/ANGRY/MEAN/HAPPY? please read full article before answering!? After several years in medical billing for home health agencies and hospitals, I am looking to start my own billing agency. I would like to know which software is preferred by smaller agencies as the software I now use for my employer costs many thousands of dollars to purchase. What is the preferred software for medical billing?

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